Dear Facebook, …

Some may be familiar with my “Dear Apple/CrApple” letters – they’re one way to have fun with the frustration. I also have a schtick with the fam that starts with “Dear Facebook”. Any time something shocking, revealing, …um, …personal comes up,  I mime typing “Dear…Face..book…”

But in interests of self preservation, none of it ever actually makes it to Facebook. At least not without going through the censors first.

Unlike CrApple where I pay for the choice I made (and to whom I’ve written many “letters”), Facebook is free so we live with what comes with it. The ads are a necessary evil for it to stay free, but if they were actually smart over there in CA, they’d add a time delay factor before posting an identical “suggestion” immediately after my wife finishes looking at a product on Amazon, et al. Seriously, seconds after she clicks over to FB from shopping, whatever she was just looking at shows up in her ad feed! That’s more than creepy, and Orwell would be sadly saying, “told ya”.

FB denizens went through a phase of “98% of the people reading this won’t have the guts to repost”. As annoying as that was, when FB changed its look to be more headline-y, I started noticing a LOT more posts with “And you won’t believe what happens next!” Seriously, people? Stop.

The quiz fad is fun and dumb at the same time. I might steal off to learn that my “eyes” say that I am “intellectually minded”, or that I am Vizzini, which is quite inconceivable if you ask me. But the “How Southern are you?” types make me laugh because 80% of the questions have the wrong choices, so it’s a matter of choosing the least wrong one.

I like the whole purpose of Facebook…there are people I’ve not seen in 35 years and we’ve re-connected. And, I do like (at least) one feature that FB offers: Sometimes someone on my friend list “likes” or shares something from a FB page like “Newsday” or “Stand with Arizona (and Against Illegal Immigration)” (some nutty people out there) or “The Tea Party” (really nutty people there) or “Answers in Genesis” (really really…okay, you know) – I’m deliberately not linking them …you can look them up yourself without my paltry free advertising. Well, I can mark it as spam and I never see anything from from the offensive pages again! Works for too many cute puppy shares as well – just tell FB you only want to see “important” posts.

As to some of the “Dear Facebook” stuff that didn’t escape the censors, I’ll surreptitiously share some here using pale green electrons (that coincidentally change colors if I change my background…):

 

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