Standard Disclaimer

Back in Nuclear Power School in 1985, my ADD would enable me to work on other … let’s call them “special projects”…when I already knew the subject being taught. Amazingly, I found one of them today (July 24, 2013) when looking through old files for something else. Handwritten, in different inks and pencil from the infrequent times I added to it later over the next ten years, I had started something to be slapped on any product and service to thwart the frivolous lawsuits. I haven’t touched it in more than 20 years, but here is an abandoned work in progress, my Standard Disclaimer:

Void where prohibited. Some settling of contents is normal. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. The white zone is for loading or unloading of passengers only. Your mileage may vary. No one under 17 admitted without parent or guardian. Not valid without any other offer. Serving suggestion. Not available in Alaska or Hawaii. All models over 18 years of age. Package sold by weight, not by volume. Not responsible for lost or stolen articles. Your actual weight loss may vary. US currency only. Pregnant or nursing women should consult with a physician. The following program contains language unsuitable for children. Does not include tax, title and dealer prep. This broadcast is the property of [______]; reproduction of any part is prohibited without the express written consent of the [NFL, NHL, NBA, MLB, ???] Based on availability. The Surgeon General has determined smoking to be hazardous to your health. Take with food or milk. Do not operate heavy machinery while taking this medication. Valid without photo. Contains one or more of the following: palm oil, tropical oils, corn oil, … Do not promote tooth decay. May cause drowsiness. The opinions expressed within do not reflect that of management. For office use only. Saccharine has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory animals. This tag is not to be removed except by the consumer. Manufacturer’s suggested retail price. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental.

Feel free to suggest additions!

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